so much has happened over the past year
i think it's time to move on to a new blog
one that allows me more space to express my thoughts indefinitely
expect less poetry-style writings but still as much ramblings
and exclusive pictures to complement my moods
so ask me personally if you are keen to read my writings
and i will let you know my new blog address
(that would help me to see who still bothers)

i hate the way i hold myself back
everytime i walk into a decent store
and look at something i'm tempted to buy
with the hope to brighten up your day

i hate the way i hold my tongue
everytime you ask me to my face
for some sweet words to come your way
only to smile without the right words to say

i hate the way i never get enough
everytime you are on top of me
and your kisses they send sensations all over
yet such a fantasy comes with a heavy price i know

i hate the way i contemplate at night
every time after time i feel i hold you back
from a life that can be more straight
yet lack the courage to ask you to leave

i hate the way i feel loved more than i love
everytime you hold me in the wake of the night
or tuck your hand in mine thinking i'm fast asleep
and know my favourite cookie flavors even without me telling

i hate the way i fall repeatedly in love
then find myself hesitating to give my all
to a you that feels like a dream come true
much afraid to risk having you next to my past

"I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you."
- S Club 7's Never Found A Dream Come True

picture me
strolling through life
big dreams .
deep thoughts . .
but wasted feelings
gravity tugs at me
everytime
you look the other way
sometimes
uncertainty sets in
and i don't know why
i do the things i do
a living disappointment
of promises i cannot live by
fell in love
sinned again

"What a mess I've made
Sure we all make mistakes
But they see me so large
That they think I'm immune to the pain."

how does one alone encapsulize the feelings
of being close to crazy being in love
a love that is seemingly surreal
yet a breather of life to its beholder
drawn in with an alchemist's curiosity
to put together a potion for a happiness
that yearns to exist permanently
like some of the magical moments of first times
which paused as if time stood still for love
but to fall in love with a sentimental drifter
is a deadly call for varying insecurities
and my heart bleeds for the undeserving angel
that once again i am forced to return
to contemplations that mock my self-control

"When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you."

all the days of silent pining messing up my mind
at last i may stop to put my fears to test
in the midst of my pointless hesitations
my resistance is weak and i succumb to being
the happiest girl in the world tonight
i can close my eyes and smile in my sleep
knowing each new day will never be the same again

"Everytime I'm with you it's a natural high
it's like re-discovering Eden
with chocolate-coated rainbows and cotton candy sky."

it seems to me
i will always be the juggernaut
in everybody else's life
one heart broken
another frozen
all begins with the falling of grace
a charmer of love
or a temptress of sin
nearly oblivious to the chaos wrecked
fears dismissed almost subtly
until yesterday morning
a hint of sharp pain through her tears
should i stay or should i go
if she only knew
i love her too much to make her stay
this world of mine
is far too much for her tender heart
to love me one more day

" Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away."

so much more still clinged on to
when half of me is trapped behind
in a moment of insane euphoria
with loved ones claiming the blame
of sinful pleasures that we stole away
wish this's a vacation away from home
bringing chance that soon i'll return
to a place not too far from my heart
aware that one day i may awake forgetting
the things that i now hold so dear
thus my silly fears are aplenty
and living a life that will not land is not easy
exhausted from pensive thoughts
holding on tightly to memories unrecorded
but only a couple of pictures to remind us
of a time that marks the turning point in my life
this is where a goodbye is merely the beginning

"Sometimes this song feels like a dream,
I’m waiting for someone just to wake me up from this life.
As I look out on these fairgrounds,
I remember how our family split apart."